It's Already December??

I am sitting in a sweaty, second floor cyber café in Lomé, surrounded by unemployed Togolese "entrepreneurs," lazily searching internet databases and sending out Nigerian internet scams...they work in pairs, fumbling through English translations, sending messages with subjects such as "Hello...Family (Paste Name Here)" and "Urgent Business Proposal My Dear Friend." I want to tell them that no one reads these things and they should go and at least try to get a job...have I been in Togo too long?

This morning, amidst the usual flurry of 'What-will-you-bring-mes,' I took a taxi from Kpalimé in order to meet with Monsieur Jacques from the National Microfinance Committee. He was pleased with the evolution of the project, as the whole idea of the Solar Loan is new since I presented the dossier to him last Spring. Jacques believes that the project now has a larger vision, that is more sustainable, but, interestingly, he too warned me to proceed slowly and carefully. Jacque's fear is one that I did not consider - that recipient MFIs will start offering solar loans à n'importe qui à n'importe quel termes (to just anyone on any terms) and will start raising the interest rates once they see the interest and potential profitability . I put on my best non-Yovo face and said, but Jacques, if they sign a contract with us that specifies the terms and rates, won't they be obliged to comply? He saw right through my naivete and said with a smile, Kira, I know that you have a bit of Togo in your blood, and you know better than to think that just because someone has signed a contract they will execute it. He agreed with Lare, Daniel and everyone else that SunPower Afriaue must start small and keep everything under a sharp managerial eye.

I have been somewhat frustrated the past few days in Togo...perhaps it is the end of a honeymoon, perhaps it will pass, perhaps I am just moody, but I have been less tolerant and abrupt in my observations since Saturday...it started at church. Having sat through that service and money-mongering so many times, I assumed I could quietly swallow it all again. Not so. This week it was particularly greedy...it was the annual celebration of youth, which meant performances and skits by youth groups, showcasing appropriate, church-condoned behavior. I appreciate peoples' solace and trust in religion here, but the way it seems to blindfold people and dictates everything from how to choose a mate to look at yourself in the mirror, is so short-sighted and limiting. Easy for me to say, having been raised in a family and a country that allowed me to see, look and feel for myself, taught me, in fact, to be curious and ever-questioning. I have developed an acute awareness of when to keep my mouth shut here and realize that there are certain things people simply won't understand - most namely, that I do not believe that Jesus will take care of n'importe quoi for me. But this weekend it was as if something snapped in my brain and the stubborn, indepenant gremlin that always sits on my shoulder won out.

I was so disgusted with the pastor's threats to the congregation, that yes, even if you don't have the means, g-d wants you to give 2000CFA to the church, that I told Maman I was annoyed by it (which I have told her and Daniel before, but more in a teasing way and they just laugh at the silly Yovo) and wanted to leave. She didn't think I was serious, but when I got up and left, she and Daniel followed. They weren't offended because a) they can't understand why I would think that and b) even though everyone knows that most of that money will go into the pastor's pocket, they can't imagine someone actually standing up to it.

Later in the day, still salty from the experience, I went with Innocent to a party for Rogier's new baby. Half an hour into the celebration, a nasty-looking man with a fat belly showed up and jerked his hand for Akpene to get out of her seat. She did and he sat down, scowling. He nudged Inno and snapped something to him, which prompted him to hiss at Alice and motion for her to come over. She came over and the man pointed at the drinks table, not 4 feet away. She quickly poured him a glass of whiskey which he rejected and she came back, mixing some bitters with it. He snatched the glass from her, saying nothing.

Innocent and I have talked about this kind of behavior many times and, while I am not going to divulge the complexity and evolution of our relationship here, I will say that both of us are products of our cultures and upbringings, and Inno's open mind is rare and truly astonishing. We have both changed since we met each other, discovering each others' cultures, personalities, intricacies and difficulties. Both of us have learned the real meaning and significance of compromise, and neither of us doubt that there is much more ahead.

Inno is brave, intelligent and knows what he wants, and he has accepted and applied ideas of equality, shared responsibility and affection with curiosity and grace.